雅思作文点评分享
今天小编和大家分享雅思作文点评，希望可以帮助到大家，下面小编就和大家分享，来欣赏一下吧。
雅思作文点评：论证不够示例凑
还是关于“老一辈的传统观念是否还适用于现在的社会”的雅思写作话题
①However， not all past views are proper. Some of them have limitation themselves initially. Typical example is the traditional view of gender. In the past， women are regarded as a role that can only assist men instead of being independent. This traditional view results to an unequal position between man and women no matter in education or job market. This， actually， hinders the development of our society. The main reason is that it ignores females’ special talent and limits females to contribute to the world. Nowadays， increasing amount of women start to fight with this unfair views and it definitely benefit our world.
②The virtual of trust and credit could be another vivid example to demonstrate the significance of traditional values. In the past， people would make every effort to keep their promises and try to bean honest one. In comparison， people currently become more practical and put less attention on morality. It can be easily heard from the media about the news of cheating and many critics have created a new term of crisis of trust between people. Consequently， there is no doubt to refute these old yet precious ideas.
①当中，共8句话，从第3句话开始，全部是实例。②更夸张，整段都是实例。
有些人写作，举不出例子，有些人写作，能用例子来代替论证，真是有些无奈。这其实也说明了雅思写作的难与模式化。
用实例贯穿整个雅思大作文主体段，从根本原因来说，大约是思辨能力不够，无法对这个话题展开更多的纯粹思辨过程。所以，平时多对雅思写作话题进行正反两方面的思考，同时注意收集素材，十分重要。
有考官曾向人祭出了他的超级雅思写作模板，13句诀。粗看实在让人难以置信，但是，满分作文，就是这么这么写出来的。
他说：It surprises some people when I tell them that they only need to write 13 sentences for writing task 2：
Introduction(开头段)： 2句
First main body paragraph(主体段1)： 5 句
Second main body paragraph(主体段2)： 5 句
Conclusion(结尾)： 1 句
Please note： It is not a 'rule' that you must write 13 sentences. This is just my approach or method.
对于他的主体段的5句，也可以再细分一下：观点句1+支撑句2+例子2
索性贴一篇他的9分雅思作文吧：
People have different views about whether we are more or less dependent on others nowadays. In my view， modern life forces us to be more independent than people were in the past.
There are two main reasons why it could be argued that we are more dependent on each other now. Firstly， life is more complex and difficult， especially because the cost of living has increased so dramatically. For example， young adults tend to rely on their parents for help when buying a house. Property prices are higher than ever， and without help it would be impossible for many people to pay a deposit and a mortgage. Secondly， people seem to be more ambitious nowadays， and they want a better quality of life for their families. This means that both parents usually need to work full-time， and they depend on support from grandparents and babysitters for child care.
However， I would agree with those who believe that people are more independent these days. In most countries， families are becoming smaller and more dispersed， which means that people cannot count on relatives as much as they used to. We also have more freedom to travel and live far away from our home towns. For example， many students choose to study abroad instead of going to their local university， and this experience makes them more independent as they learn to live alone. Another factor in this growing independence is technology， which allows us to work alone and from any part of the world.
In conclusion， while there are some reasons to believe that people now depend on each other more， my own view is that we are more independent than ever.
雅思作文点评：同义词替换
请看雅思写作实例：
话题：Some people believe that older generation’s traditional ideas are not the right way to live， think and behave in modern society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?(2008/01/19)
Past ideas are precious treasures of human beings. Although not every traditional idea can be used in modern community， many of them still have their reference value for the development of our society. In other words， if we follow these ideas in the properly on the basis of current situation， they still could pave the right way for us to think and live.
重点看past，community，还有pave the right way。较准确的表达可以是traditional， society， be a good guidance。
还有：It is the heritage of traditional opinions that enables us to be frugal for living materials， natural and social resources. 这句话的说理用上了heritage， enable，其实本身都没有问题，但是放在这，显得突兀。“传统观点”的遗产，使我们能够变得节约。一部分原因是作者把traditional ideas换成了traditional opinions，这其实不是无缝的同义替换。较好的表达可以是：Traditional ideas teach us to be frugal and always save for the future.
必须要指出很多烤鸭写作的一个重要误区：替换强迫症。或许你有在哪个辅导书里看到过说雅思小作文要会替换题设中的一些词汇。但是，如果本身读题时，就不能很精准的解读题目，再加上你对某些关键词汇的使用语域不清，导致你开篇导入话题时似乎就走在了偏题的路上了。
雅思大作文的导入，一定要简洁，明了，让人一眼看到你的观点并且让人知道你是明白话题的全部内容的。
在同义词替换和照搬原词间，有时后者更好。
雅思作文点评：语法错误
还是看雅思写作实例，大家可以一起来找茬
Last but not least， those who lacks skills to deal with people and fails to control their emotions would more likely to form prejudice during their international travel. It is a common situation to get cheated by people there for the reason of ignorance of local situation. Necessarily， open-minded is required to deal with unjudged treatments. Otherwise the bad memories would not only affect the journey but lead to the prejudice towards all the citizens of the place.
再来看结果
Last but not least， those who lacks(lack) skills to deal with people and fails(fail) to control their emotions would (be)more likely to form prejudice during their international travel. It is a common situation to get cheated by people there for the reason of ignorance of local situation. Necessarily， open-minded(open-mindedness) is required to deal with unjudged(这个词是什么意思?unfair吧?)treatments. Otherwise the bad memories would not only affect the journey but lead to the prejudice towards all the citizens of the place.
语法和词汇是语言的两大基石。在雅思写作中，所有渴望高分的烤鸭无不希望能有一双让自己自由翱翔的翅膀。可是很多时候，语法基础的薄弱，让不少人在尝试复杂句型时频频出错，而另一方面，最基础的一些语法，如名词单复数，冠词，动词时态等又时常被很多人忽视，于是一篇用词屌屌，思路涛涛，自我感觉甚好的文章被打入6—的冷宫时，某些人可能还不知罪在何处。
因为有些逛外文论坛的经验，跟国内论坛进行，国人在遣词造句时，对语法的要求真的是很low，各种错字，错词，莫名其妙的表达层出不穷，而我们大都淡然。所以，这种随意也自然地在很多人的作文中得到了体现。学好语法，重视语法，只会让自己的雅思备考之路越走越宽。
雅思作文点评：陈词滥调
直接搬出一篇雅思大作文习作，来make my point.
Nowadays， we have different way of life than our parents. We tend to criticize their thoughts and concepts for being not fit to such a fast growing society. However， some traditional ideas， in my opinion， are more valuable and should be inherited.
First， most principles， though dating from the past， own their values to the present and the future because they are the essences of our ancestors’ wisdom. They play significant roles in keep our society sustainable development from one generation to another. It is the heritage of traditional opinions that enables us to be frugal for living materials， natural and social resources. In contrast， if we judge the old ideas simply by its fit for modern times， it is more likely to deny those for which we are desperately look.
Meanwhile， it is noticeable that some tradition thoughts and concepts are increasingly integrated into modern world， especially in the domain of fashion design. The trend of back-to-ancients is a vivid demonstration in which the blend of traditional elements and modern design wins the popularity among younger generation. In this way， it seems arbitrary to assume that older generation’s traditional ideas are not the right way in the present age.
Despite， we still acknowledge that part of stereotypes desperately need to be reviewed or abandoned. Some obsolete viewpoints only followed the trend in the past and do not catch up the new generation due to their limitation. For example， gender discrimination existed in the past time but has been argued by the modern society， in which we advocate that females are able to have equal opportunities to chase their dreams， just like males do.
Therefore， it is carelessly to make a sweeping generalization that old traditions are not suitable to modern lives. It is rational to preserve those valuable and correct traditional ethics and discard the incompatible ones.
可以找一找这篇语言底子不错的雅思大作文，在句式使用上的一个特点，就是“It is”句型的泛滥，在全文的分布是：第2段，2次;第3段，2次;第5段，2次。最过分的就是第5段，只有2句话，就用了2次it is 句型。
笔者对此做的点评：我忍不住要重重地提醒你，你的全文中使用it is +adj的次数过多过滥，不信?你可以看看你的结论段。不要认为这种表达用得越多越好。使用这种表达，在我看来，是一种逃避责任的表达方式，因为你可以轻松地省去主语，用较为隐晦的方式来表达观点。
在雅思写作中，有些时候，出于某些需要，我们会选择使用某种句型。但如果因为习惯了不假思索的使用，而让自己的文章显得程式化，得不偿失。这6句，第一句之前已经做出了修改：Traditional ideas teach us to be frugal and always save for the future. 第2句” if we judge the old ideas simply by its fit for modern times， it is more likely to deny those for which we are desperately look“可修改为”If judging the old ideas simply by whether it is fit for modern times， we are more likely to miss what we desperately seek.“
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